Monthly Archives: February 2011

Final Fantasy XIII was the worst game I’ve ever played.

I don’t like being all absolute like that, but it’s true, simply because the game was actually fun at some parts!

I bought the game for sixty bucks on its release date from Amazon high off of hype and damn if I regret doing that.  The game is atrociously slow to get to its fun parts, where there were about two of, and it definitely didn’t help that the game:

– had the kind of narrative that managed to fit into the stereotype of what people bitch about JRPGs having (a group of people fighting their fate to save their world), while having the same annoying method of storytelling with characters forcing lines out that were supposed to be deep but instead awkward.  All of this being done in many cutscenes, and I can sit comfortably through cutscenes as long as I don’t have to question things like “Who the hell would say that?” too many times.  I’m not expecting reality in my games, but if there are going to be civilized people in it, at least have them not act like Saturday morning cartoon characters talking about how friends should stick together and all that gooey, mushy mess every time the game decided to stop putting monsters in our way.

-started off ridiculously boring for someone who wasn’t new to RPGs.  When playing a new game, I want to be able to get a grasp on the mechanics quick and easy so I’ll be able to have fun with it for the entirety of the game provided it wasn’t stale and repetitive.  The battle system in FFXIII took too long to kick in, and this was made unbearable by how there was no exploration in the beginning.  No out of the way items.  No unique or odd NPC experiences.  Hell, there was no liveliness at all since all you’re doing is trying to escape from some soldiers, which ended up working against the game because this urgency lasted for about nine of the thirteen chapters.  The game only consists of you controlling one character running forward, running into or getting jumped by enemies, cue transition into battle screen, then you control your selected party leader and guide your two AI-controlled partners.  Later in the game, you get to add hunting monsters down.  That’s Final Fantasy XIII.

What makes this game the worst game I’ve ever played, however, was how the fighting would actually get fun at around the fourth chapter, despite the game still holding your hand at this point with the mechanics (you have no opportunity to change your party until chapter nine).  It was about the time Lightning learned Launch and I started getting better with Paradigm Shifting when I was thinking “Oh hells yes!” in battles.  But I ended up skipping running past some monsters in order to get through parts because some people in Square Enix still believe entering a separate screen for fighting keeps people interested in video games, especially when there’s numerous monsters on the field.  Because of this, I hit a difficulty spike at around chapter eleven, where I was about to quit the game because it was like I was being punished for getting bored as opposed to the game actually keeping me entertained.  This was when the thought of me paying sixty bucks kicked in and the fact that I beat every Final Fantasy game I get, so I ended up running backwards from the end of chapter 11 to where it began to grind on monsters and do monster hunting missions, then I proceeded to destroy everything until the end of the game.  That’s when I fought the final boss, which was another way of Square punishing me for not destroying everything in my path up to this point and mocking me for my previous grinding attempt.  The battle was dramatic, but that was shot and killed when it took two hours.  However, the ending was awfully nice, it being 4 AM when I beat the game and birds chirping outside in the arriving dawn.

Final Fantasy XIII should not have had any good parts to it.  If it didn’t, it would’ve been easier to just get a refund or sell the game.  That way, it would’ve just been a  horrible game.  But to have fun parts, then punish me for having that fun turn to boredom twice not only makes Final Fantasy XIII the worst game I’ve ever played, but it makes it an asshole.